Live Longer and Love Stronger: The Gentle Power of Female Friendships

Legendary 85-year-old activist and actress Jane Fonda sat down on Spotify’s Call Her Daddy podcast to talk about her life and the lessons she’s learned along the way last month.

In response to a question asking what the most rewarding part of having a strong group of female friends is, Fonda paused, thoughtfully considered her answer, and replied:

“Your health. There was a study done by Harvard Medical School that said not having women friends is as bad for your health as smoking. Men sit side by side looking outward: at cars, at women–oh wow, look at that one–, at sports… women look into each other’s eyes, and they ask for help, they show their vulnerability. That’s so important. I think it’s the reason why women live five to seven years longer on average than men.”

My grandma says that her lifelong heroes are her friends, and I couldn’t agree more. As a 19-year-old woman, I believe the close friendships I have with other women are by far some of the most important, impactful, and influential relationships I will have in my lifetime.

My female friends were the first people outside my family to show me what unconditional love feels like. Aside from my appreciation for our endless chats about our Tinder dates gone wrong and discussions on the nuances of the Hunger Games franchise, I appreciate the mutual love and admiration we have for each other every day. My female friends are my biggest supporters and I am theirs, whether it has been two hours or two years since we’ve last seen each other.

And I’m not the only one who thinks so.

By looking at everything from predictive factors to personality traits to cognitive development, the research agrees: good female friendships have insanely positive impacts on your mental and emotional health.

The Research: What Makes Female Friendships So Special?

Did you ever hear the saying that “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with?” Well, it holds some truth in psychology. One study suggests close friendships between people of the same-sex are primarily based on mutual satisfaction, availability, and proximity to others.

From an evolutionary standpoint, humans relied on social relationships for survival. While we may not require this anymore to protect each other from predators or to search for shelter, the people we surround ourselves with still have a direct impact on our happiness and overall well-being. In fact, research tells us it’s more important than ever to choose our friends wisely!

Fortunately, many women do. Another study examined the development and progression of friendships between female university students over 10 years. The researchers found that these friendships provided a space for women to confide in and validate each other, to raise each other’s self-esteem and self-confidence, and to learn from and challenge each other.

The researchers also found that, on the whole, long-term female friendships from university were characterized by vulnerability, stress-relief, consistent communication, feelings of safety, and emotional intimacy.

Although a lot of the media content we see on Tiktok and Netflix appears to be a competition of ‘which person cares less’, emotional intimacy and being vulnerable with each other are the backbone of good female friendships. Friendships between women that are high in empathy and maintain effective emotional communication have impacts across your whole life–they are associated with higher ratings of overall friendship quality, feelings of acceptance, better emotional regulation abilities, and more fulfilling social connections.

Female friendships give women a space to be mutually understood while also helping women understand their “self-authorship”: a concept one participant describes as “Not who I was then but who I developed into.”In other words, you and your friends grow together (awww!).

Research has found this remains true both in university and 10 years afterwards.

TLDR: Female Friendships are Amazing!

The bottom line: strong female friendships are wonderful and fulfilling. They have endless positive impacts on your emotional, social, and psychological well-being, as well as on your personal growth. As a woman, your friendships with other women are some of the most important relationships you’ll ever have.

I like the idea that, along with qualities that are just mine, I am made up of little pieces of every woman I’ve ever met.

I draw the letter ‘E’ the same way my fourth-grade best friend did. I get weirdly happy whenever I see cardinals because they’re my grandma’s favorite bird. I still tie my shoes using the bunny-ear method because that’s the way my mom showed me when I was four.

So whether you’re looking for love or trying to get to know yourself better, take a long look at your female friends. Even if you don’t quite know who you are yet, I can almost guarantee they’ll have a pretty good idea.

Check out these links to learn more:

• https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/00221546.2010.11779067

• https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140197113001693

• https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/1948-00261-001.pdf

About the author. Molly is a second-year Queen’s student majoring in psychology. She is interested in the psychology behind friendships and relationships, as well as understanding different personality traits and the ways in which they impact and interact with attachment styles. She loves learning about the effects of music on cognition and memory. When she's not at CoGro, you can find Molly listening to the Lumineers, trying to decide on her next tattoo, or spending all her money on coffee.