November is Men’s Health Awareness Month, bringing men’s mental health, and the surrounding stigma, into the spotlight. While women in Canada report higher rates of depression, men account for 75% of completed suicides. The reason for this disparity? The severe under reporting of depression in men, the differences in depression symptoms in men, and the hesitancy for men to reach out for help. You can help support men’s mental health by educating yourself to reduce the stigma, and learning how to have these difficult conversations.
Check out the link to practice having difficult mental health conversations with your male peers!
Why Do Men Have Higher Completed Suicide Rates?
In the past, research has been done to try and explain why men have lower depression rates and higher suicide rates. The current consensus is that depression among men is severely underreported. Several factors contribute to this. First, depression in men manifests differently than we typically expect. While depression is commonly associated with someone who appears very sad for a long period of time, men tend to exhibit more anger and irritability.
Not understanding the differences in depression symptoms is a possible reason men themselves tend to not realize what they are experiencing is depression, and may try to handle their feelings themselves rather than seek treatment. Healthcare professionals are also more likely to misdiagnose male depression as a personality trait due to its non-typical manifestation in men. To top it all off, societal expectations often discourage men from expressing their feelings, and many men are reluctant to seek help.
Recognizing the Symptoms of Depression in Men
Depression can manifest differently in men. Knowing the signs and symptoms can be the first step to supporting men’s mental health and help those suffering in silence to seek help. When determining if someone is suffering from depression or is just having an off day, there are two key points to remember:
Is this behaviour abnormal for this specific person?
Has this behaviour been lasting for longer than normal?
Physical Signs of Depression in Men
Physical signs of depression in men include loss of appetite, constant fatigue, significant weight change, chronic discomfort, and problems sleeping.
Emotional Signs of Depression in Men
Emotional signs of depression in men include irritability, anger, indecisiveness, a feeling of hopelessness, and struggling to feel happy in situations they normally feel happy in.
Behavioural Signs of Depression in Men
Behavioural signs of depression in men include increased alcohol or drug use, loss of interest in favourite activities, engaging in high risk activities, avoiding social interaction, changes in productivity at work or at school, and thoughts of suicide.
How Do I Talk to My Male Friends?
Talking to others about mental health can be tricky for everyone! Fear of making the problem worse, or saying the wrong thing, is a common concern. However, by starting the conversation, you are letting whoever you are talking to know you are there for them, and are taking the first (and a huge) step in supporting them. It is also important to remember you are not a therapist. Your job is not to fix your friends’ problems, or diagnose others. Your job is to support them in hearing what they have to say, and in seeking professional help. Here we have outlined how to get the conversation about men’s mental health rolling.
The following method is from Movember Conversations in combination with the BeThere method. Here we highlight the ALEC method!
A is for Ask
The first step is asking the person you want to talk to how they are doing.
Pick a time when you can give them your full attention. A place with minimal distractions where you can both speak openly and honestly is best
Say what you see. This allows for objective statements to open up the conversation
Example: “Hey, I've noticed you've been really tired lately. How are you feeling?”
Use open ended questions. You do not want them to be able to respond with one word answers. This halts the conversation. You want to keep the conversation going!
Model honest conversations. Try opening up about your own experiences. This can make your friend feel comfortable to share what they are feeling.
L is for Listen
The next step is actively listening to what they are saying.
Listen to understand instead of listen to respond
You want to understand what they are saying. It’s okay to ask clarifying questions!
Summarizing what they are saying can be a great way to make sure you understand, and can make your friend feel heard
Don’t dismiss how they are feeling!
Again, you want to open up the conversation. Dismissing how they are feeling ends the conversation and prevents change from happening
Take your time
This is an important conversation and takes time. It is okay if there are awkward silences
E is for Encourage
The next step is to encourage them to take action.
Encourage them to focus on simple things to improve how they feel. This can be mentally or physically!
Tip: Suggest an activity you can do together to promote mental well being. Going for a walk is a great way to get exercise and leave the house!
Encourage problem solving
While it is important to remember you are their friend, not their therapist, it is okay to problem solve about barriers and challenges in their life together. This may be
Encourage getting help
You are only one person. After having a talk, suggest bringing in a wider support network. This includes family, friends, and mental health professionals
C is for Checking In
After having a conversation, it is important to check up on the person again.
Let them know you are going to follow up and when they can expect your call
Keep to this date! This lets them know they have someone in their corner looking out for them
If you cannot keep your follow up, communicate this. Open communication allows them to know you have not forgotten about them, and they can trust you to be part of their support system.
It is important to note while it is important to have these conversations, you cannot look out for others if you do not look out for yourself first. Make sure you are checking on how you are feeling, and reaching out to the people in your life when you need some extra support, because we all do from time to time.
Such an insightful post!! I really like the ALEC approach :)